By Kerry Elson, The New Yorker, June 14, 2022
Inspiration and perspective for downsizers everywhere.
An Ellen Tracy Blazer Collection Welcome, darling. So good to have you visit. Come this way because I have a question. Do you want, Do you want, Do you want These nice wool blazers? I wore them to conferences back in the day. They’ve got a boxy fit, Plus some shoulder pads, But you could make them work— Don’t you think? These blazers could be kind of cool!
My Third-Grade Artwork Hey, here’s a giraffe that you drew with Cray-Pas. Let’s look at it and remember When you made it. You did such a beautiful job. We could toss it in the recycling bin, But that feels wrong, That feels wrong. So I’m rolling it back up And keeping it in this garbage bag. Next time you’re here, Let’s reassess this work. For now it shall remain In this black Hefty bag, And go back under your bed, In my handy storage bin.
Clippings from the “Ask Amy” Advice Column, 2010-Present Just in case you didn’t see The links I sent— Here they are in hard copy. I laminated one of them. Should we take a look? Let’s browse Amy’s opinions on Sisters, mothers, dating, friends. Her advice is very helpful, no? Sometimes it’s nice to read advice From a neutral source like Amy, Especially when that advice is similar To what I might say, I might say.
VHS Tapes (Includes Unopened Box Sets Purchased at Costco in 1999) What if there’s a day when you want to watch “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” But not on Amazon Prime Video? How about the analog experience— Remember when that was all we had? What if there’s a day when that is all we have? What if the Internet goes away? Let’s save these tapes for the future. You’ll be glad I did.
Assorted Loafers Some of these are hard, And some of these are soft. I wore them with those blazers to conferences. They’re still in good condition— Why don’t you take a pair? Let’s leave them in my closet In case you change your mind And at some point decide That you want to dress Like a professional. Yes, that’s what I said. Sometimes it’s O.K. to dress Professionally.
Cooking Light’s “Annual Recipes 1997” Cookbook I know you like to get your recipes From Google, but This big book has some winners, too. Maybe take it with you in case you need Creative substitutes for heavy cream In a chicken lasagna alfredo. Cooking yourself nice dinners is within reach.
An Ellen Tracy Ankle-Length Wool Skirt I will admit this one’s a little scratchy, But if you wear nylons, as I did, It’s not so bad. Can you try it on? Can you try it on? Now you look like me in 1989. Yes, that’s perfect—please give this skirt A whole new life. Do you have a conference coming up? Don’t forget the nylons. And how about a belt? I have chunky ones Right back here, In the depths of my closet. Let me pull out some stylish belts For you to enjoy.
A Paisley Liz Claiborne Scarf Do you want this, too? To complete the look? That’s O.K.—it’s too much, I know. No, it’s fine. Let’s put something in the giveaway pile! You have your own style and this isn’t it. (What is your style? Sort of like a scarecrow?) I’ll lay this scarf here on the pile. No, it’s O.K.—I can say goodbye!
A Clock Shaped Like a Cat Do you like this? Isn’t it adorable? I know you can just look at your phone, But wouldn’t it be nice to look away from it Sometimes? Great, you like it—take it, please! I have five more downstairs—you can give them to your friends. Hey, this mom has pretty good taste! Don’t you agree? Thanks for coming, sweetie. I love you, and If you change your mind About that Liz Claiborne scarf, Let me know! Let me know! I won’t give it away just yet, For everything old is new again. Let’s make it so.
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