{"id":450,"date":"2020-03-26T02:41:59","date_gmt":"2020-03-26T02:41:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/onthemovenow.com\/blog\/?p=450"},"modified":"2020-03-26T02:41:59","modified_gmt":"2020-03-26T02:41:59","slug":"the-emotional-side-of-downsizing-part-2-acknowledging-anger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onthemovenow.com\/blog\/the-emotional-side-of-downsizing-part-2-acknowledging-anger\/","title":{"rendered":"The Emotional Side of Downsizing: Part 2: Acknowledging Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance<\/em>\u00a0are well known as the five stages of grief. After a decade of helping people downsize and declutter, I\u2019ve come to realize that many people go through these stages as they downsize, as well.<\/p>\n

Dan and Donna (not their real names<\/em>) are an early-middle aged couple living with two young children in Southern California. When Dan\u2019s mother — who was living in the Bay Area — died unexpectedly, the couple was faced with clearing out her home.<\/p>\n

Last month, we talked about all the ways Dan was in\u00a0Denial <\/strong>about the downsizing process. This month, we\u2019ll follow Dan and Donna as they face the next stage: Anger<\/strong>.
\n_______________
\nDonna was the one who called me to ask for help. It didn\u2019t take\u00a0 long for me to realize that while Dan was still deep in denial about the effort and energy it would take to go through his mother\u2019s things, Donna was already feeling angry about it.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe thinks we can do it ourselves. I can\u2019t do it. Who\u2019s going to take care of the kids?\u201d she said, the exhaustion evident in her voice. \u201cWe just got through decluttering our place. I really don\u2019t want to fill up the house with my mother-in-law\u2019s stuff now!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hear you,\u201d I reassured her. \u201cWe\u2019ll take care of everything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Donna\u2019s feelings about the situation were clear, which made decision-making and asking for help easy for her.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Meanwhile Dan, an only child, was still coming to terms with his new reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do I have to do this?\u201d Dan yelled, his frustration mounting as he sorted through the mountain of clothes,\u00a0blankets, books and\u00a0papers piled on the sofa. \u201cWhy isn\u2019t Donna here? What am I supposed to do with all of this stuff?\u201d
\n_______________
\nDownsizing is fundamentally a long process of negotiating \u2013 with yourself. If you\u2019re not clear about your motivation\u00a0or intention, frustration builds quickly. And progress is slow.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dan was not only managing his feelings around\u00a0his mom\u2019s passing, but was clearly overwhelmed by having to make decisions about his mom\u2019s stuff by himself. Dan couldn’t name those feelings. He just knew he was really angry.<\/p>\n